


Wilted

by wiebilo



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Romance, F/M, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Suicide Attempt, Unplanned Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-26
Updated: 2018-07-12
Packaged: 2019-05-13 22:43:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 14,146
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14757696
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wiebilo/pseuds/wiebilo
Summary: Nine years they were kept away from each other, and two years he had left to spend it with her. He wasn't even sure what love was - she didn't either.





	1. One

       As usual, meetings with her were made to be kept a secret. While no superiors would care, certainly the others would. Everytime they would meet, she would always ask how he was - in return he asked the same, almost no one did that for the tall blond. 

        No one.

        She would be in her usual daily attire, white button up top, pants, boots, and an overcoat. Always left unbuttoned. They would always be in her quarters, never anywhere else. The walls were always too thin. 

        When they had kissed, it had been barely a week since he, the other Warriors, and the Warrior cadets, had come home to the Interment Zone. 

        The first time they kissed, he was so new to the subject. Never having kissed a woman before, and certainly never a woman he felt he loved - truly. She of course, admitted that she never kissed a man either, the subject also new to her physically, but certainly not unheard of by the brunette. 

        When their lips met, a strange feeling built up in his chest and abdomen as she rested her hands upon his clothed pectorals, but they remained. They didn't move. Breathing softly through their noses as her hands slowly traveled up to the back of his neck, as his large hands soon followed - trailing down to the swell of her hips, and holding her there. He begun to shake. The shiver of a blush rushing up his spine, his cheeks dusted a crimson - like colour, he trembled. The feeling of the kiss was exotic to him, made his heart race. Made his mind spin. Made him forget that they were people, not devils.

        In that moment in time, he felt . . . human.

        She pulls away, looking concerned.

        "Are you okay?" She whispers softly, her plush lips barely leaving his, he nods gently. "You were trembling," She says, her left hand trailing up to his ear, her index digit in front of it, the other fingers behind it. 

        "Because I want you to keep kissing me," His words faltered as he said this, his stomach in knots, her eyes widen slightly. He wanted more?

        She pressed her lips against his once more, this time - the kiss felt different. The feeling of his mouth against hers felt like it was the first time all over again, she could feel his hands trail to her waist as he slowly continued to wrap his arms around her waist, she had pressed her face closer to his, which ultimately led to their noses squishing against each other.

        Wrapping her arms around his neck, she clutches herself tightly to the bulky blond. Breathing heavily through their noses, the air surrounding them would become heated - the feeling of the closeness to their bodies was exhilarating, why did it feel so good? They pull away, panting softly, their lips disconnected for a single moment before they kiss each other again - their teeth accidently clacking together.

        She had managed to press him against the wall, each movement growing shakier as they grew deeper into the kiss. They pull away a final time, lips nearly bruised - but most definitely swollen. They both trembled, shaking in each other's arms.

        If this is what kissing was going to be like everytime . . .

        He didn't want it to end.

        She clutched his bicep, almost daring not to look up at him. Why was she so shy of all of a sudden? A crimson blush crept across her face as she looked up at him, he practically towered over her. 

        "Was . . . that okay?" she asks softly, they still panted - trembling with adrenaline coursing their into entire body. He wasn't sure how to answer. Of course it was okay, it was more than okay, it was amazing. He nods, feeling the blush on his face seemingly spread to his ears. He mustered up the courage to cup one side of her face, and press a short, soft kiss against her lips. She let out a gentle noise as he pressed deeper into the kiss, moving her hands back up to cup the sides of his face, they had begun kissing feverishly once more.

        Stars clouded his vision, it was nearly intoxicating. She allowed her hands to reach down to the collar of his shirt, and pulled him closer, hearts racing - breathing ragged, that swirling cold feeling in their abdomen. They couldn't get enough of each other, and to think, before this, neither of them had ever kissed another person.

        Hearts raced, it was the feeling all over again.

        He felt like he was falling.

        Falling.

        No.

        He was falling in love.

        And so was she.


	2. Palpitate

        Quelled fear was toxic.

        Unsupressive amorousness is indeed lethal.

        But the blond just couldn't get her out of his head.

        Not since the kissing incident a few days ago, nightly insomnia struck - one, because he didn't want the nightmares, but two - he spent almost an entire three hours just thinking about her. Why was she doing this to him? He was up until 3:30 in the morning, he felt tired when day broke. 

        "You should really sleep, it's not healthy." She spoke to him during the end of the day. Casual talk, no one would care. She wore the scarf over her head, the fabric corrugated on her chest. It was darkish green in colour, faded out. 

        "I know," He replies, nearly daring to face the shorter brunette. 

        "Please try tonight, Reiner." She says, placing a hand of concern on his shoulder as they walked. The taller blond couldn't help but give a slight smile, looking back at her - she smiles back, briefly. He just couldn't understand her, not one bit. Concerned for his well - being before her own. She always had, even when they were children. At one point in time, she was terrified of spiders.

         Which ultimately led to the blond to think of the time, in late 842, when he "protected" her from the spider. Or so she had deemed it. They had been walking, or as the brunette called it, walking him to his Warrior training. And they happened to stumble upon a common brown spider, which caused her to stumble on her rear end, nearly screaming bloody murder. Kicking the frost covering the ground at the poor arachnid, Reiner, then nine at the time, had stopped her from killing the bug. Let it crawl onto his finger, and let it crawl away on the ledge next to them.

          She was absolutely stunned by his heroic action, immediately hugging him and telling him he was insane. Reiner had only admitted that he didn't want her to kill it, to which the young brunette had replied by saying she had bet he did that to protect her.

     She wasn't entirely wrong.

     Snapping back to reality, he had noticed that she was looking up at him.

      "What? What is it?" Reiner asks softly, and she chuckled a bit. He could tell she was happy, about what . . . he didn't know.

      "You were smiling, I haven't seen you smile this much since we were children."

      Had he been smiling? It had gone unnoticed, and certainly felt natural, not forced. She continued to softly laugh as she pulled the creases of her scarf wrapped around her head up to her mouth, to muffle the fit of giggles.

       Watching him smile made her that happy?        Watching him recall funny events made her know he was happy - was that the reason? Who knows, the woman was already full of enough mysteries as is, well, mysteries is over exaggerating a tad bit.

         He knew her well enough to not question some of her motives. She pulled down the creased fabric against her chest to reveal her face, as well as her dark brown bangs, sweeping over to the right side of her forehead, partially covering her brow and eye. 

         "I love seeing you happy, you know?" She says after her small session of laughter. Men and some women walked past them, some still working their shops, some getting drunk. But other than that, people paid no mind to the duo. 

        "Genuinely happy, Reiner."

         She was had a relaxed expression on her face, her plush lips curled slightly into a smile. He had supposed he wasn't happy, perhaps chronic depression, but he was happy at times. Though, as she described, she hadn't seen him smile since their childhood. 

        He was happy, and somehow relieved that he was able to reunite with her at a meeting involving the Tybur member, whom was present at the time.

        He was happy, when she admitted to have feelings for him the weeks prior to their first kiss, and so was she.

        The heel of their boots clicked against the hard ground, it was quiet nearly the rest of the way. He didn't speak a word, neither did she. Until they had arrived at her quarters door.

         "It was nice . . . talking to you," He started, rubbing the back of his neck with his free hand. "I think we both needed it."

          She smiles softly, looking up at his tall six foot two figure. While she wasn't petite, she was noticeably shorter than him, at five foot seven. 

          "Yeah, you too." She replied.

          They both look away, blushing. The tension already rising between them. They both just stood for a moment, clearly debating what to do. 

         Unsuppressed amorousness is indeed lethal.

         "Stay with me. Just for tonight."

          Her words were as clear as day. She wanted him to stay with her. 

          He nods, uttering a soft 'okay'. 

          Closing the door behind them, he assumed it was safe to say his words now.

          "Zoe," he started, looking at the brunette. She had pulled off her green scarf, hanging it on the table next to her. 

          He embraced her in a soft hug, and she immediately returned it. Facing each other through the hug, he placed a kiss on her forehead - then on her lips. They both repeated the action, whispering out soft 'I love yous' to each other.

         "I love you . . . so much -"

         "You have no idea how long I've been waiting to hear that, Reiner."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Forgive me, but I'm now realizing how ooc Reiner was in the first few chapters.


	3. Inamorato

     "Just - stay until I fall asleep, please?"   
He nodded softly, "Of course,"   
     That was an hour ago, she had fallen asleep herself, curled into a ball. While he, was still awake.  
     He watched as her shoulders fell and rose softly, her clenched fist up hiding her mouth and nose. It calmed him, for whatever reason. Her peacefulness gave him a temporary relief from all the awful things he had done to everyone.   
But, for some reason, she didn't think of him like that. A killer. A monster - Hell, even he were negative towards himself. She was the only person who didn't rely on him, rather it was the other way around. He depended on her for the stupidest thing : love.  
     Attention and love was something he was denied all his life, but she didn't deny him. She put his life before her own, protecting him from any form of insult. No Eldian, and meaning absolutely no one, would have done that for him. As he believed, not even his own mother.  
     Zoe had been a childhood friend, nothing more, and nothing less. But, he somewhat knew it was much more than just friends. He would even go as far as to say he loved her.  
And that was a first.   
     Whenever he saw her, his heart would quicken, whenever she would talk to him, he was left at loss for words.  
     It was an instinct, as he reached his hand out to move a strand of brunette hair behind her ear - but his hand remained on her cheek. What was he doing? She would wake up and see him do this - oh God, he  would be dead.  
However, she remained.  
     He skims his thumb against her temple, as a soft sigh escaped her plush lips. Oh, how he wanted to kiss her repeatedly, as she would kiss back - the thought already intoxicating him. When he pulls his hand away, she removed the fist hiding her face and wrapped her arm around his waist. He almost panics, until - she had curled up against him.  
     She was warm, he hadn't even realized he was cold. Unsure of how to react, he rests his arm around her waist. As if by instinct, he felt content, secured. Hell, relief.   
He smiles softly, it was nice. To smile, a real smile. His own smile, not a forced one - and not a "persona" smile. He rests his chin on top of her head, somehow, everything was at peace. He closed your eyes, and wanting sleep to take him, but before it could he heard Zoe mumble against his shoulder:  
     "If you wanted to cuddle, you should've told me,"  
     That's what assured him for the rest of the night, knowing that she was fully aware that he was holding her.   
     When he finally allowed himself to fall into a deep slumber, he didn't dream anything. Nothing.  
     For the first time in a long time, he slept without problem. All because of her, why had it?   
     It was all so unreal, why would this woman - whom He hadn't seen for nearly a decade - do this for him? Help him, be there for him - love him.  
     How could she possibly love him?

    Perhaps, because she needed emotional attachment as well.

     After all, the girl had only a few family members. Her mother, imprisoned for treason, waiting death for nearly four years. Her siblings, as far as she knew, hated her. Her Meister lineage broken, and ever so disappointed in the brunette. 

     Whatever scrap of emotion she had managed to keep without problem, she had kept for Reiner.

     Nine years she waited. Nine years of constant struggles without him. Nine years of waiting for a love that could have never happened.

      Zoe didn't care after she was sent to this fort. Fort Papillion. Main importing fort for the Marleyan Mid - East Allied Forces War, she just didn't care anymore. All she cared about was the tall blond. Because that's what kept her going, despite what Marley and hypocritical Eldians would spit at her, she kept pushing.

    In 850, she was fourteen. Fourteen years old. Nearly put to death by Marley, yet - saved by a Marleyan. 

      Commander Cade Matchel was one such Marleyan. It wasn't mercy, rather it was an addition to the draft of war.

      If she proved to him that she was worthy enough to live, during the years of the war, she would not be put to death. 

       The court ruled for a close maintenance protocol, meaning : she would be kept under close inspection. 

        That's what happened.

        They sent Matchel, the brunette, and fifty - three other Marleyan soldiers to the fort. Zoe, then fourteen at the time, was scared to death of the coming world, scared of living.

       She was one of the three 'devils'.

       Out of fifty - four men.

       Zoe felt like a small fish in a lake full of piranhas, sharp teeth biting and tearing away at her ego.. 

       When she awoke, she was ever so close to Reiner. She remembered last night, her woozy words spilling from her lips out of sleep. But she regretted nothing. Zoe had Reiner, and that's what mattered. This man, was truly the only being in her life that mattered to her - emotionally and physically. Heart beats steady, as he slept steadily. She didn't want to let go.

She held onto him.

Zoe was never letting him go.


	4. Forelsket

     Sleep deprivation is like starvation. You can only go for so long that eventually, you'll end up dying of hunger. Unfortunately, that comes the case of Reiner.

     Poor man couldn't sleep without nightmares - memories - from his past. The man practically starved himself of slumber, until he finally could take no more. Then he would fall asleep. And the nightmares would return.

     In a sense, sleep hurt.

     A few days passed since he last saw Zoe, a few silent days. As per usual in the morning, he walked Gabi to her Warrior training. Then proceeded on with whatever needed to be done that day. As the thought that Marley growing weaker with advancing weapons on rival sides. When he spoke to Zoe about his troubling thoughts, she had been around a commander enough to learn some useful tactics without using one of the holders. Hard work was necessary during this time, it was needed anytime.

          She had told Reiner of what she thought, discussing what would happen should Marley go to war again - and how to handle it without much assistance from the Warriors. 

        She knew what she was talking about - she just didn't know how to put it into words. Let alone, how to share personal tactics without gaining severe second thoughts. Which is why she refused to go to the meetings.

        "I haven't seen you for awhile," He says, everyone gone from the meeting, and they were alone from any passersby. She came out of the parole officer's station nearby, and happened to see her.

        "I'm sorry. I've been so tired lately. If I haven't been working with the superiors, I've been sleeping." Zoe laughs softly, pulling her scarf down temporarily to run her hand through her brunette hair. She looked off in the other direction, managing a question.

        "How's Gabi been? Haven't seen her since she was maybe three," That question nearly made him smile, as she pulled her scarf back over her head.

         "She's okay. I walked with her this morning, maybe you'll come with me to get her?" Reiner suggested, the idea open - and Gabi had been teasing him about a "mysterious girlfriend" he's been having, though it astonished him that she had guessed accurately. Though, in the back of Reiner's mind, Gabi had no recollection of Zoe. She was already so little, and when he had left, Zoe couldn't see his family anymore after that. 

        "Maybe, you don't think anyone would mind? I mean, I don't want you in trouble." She started to reply, nervousness wracked her form. Scared even. 

         "You won't. Nobody knows about us, we'll be two comrades walking." 

         Zoe gives a soft smile, it was good to know that he acknowledged that they still, in fact, had a relationship - that no one knew about. 

         She had walked with him the following late afternoon, and Gabi had been rather pleased she was able to talk to another person other than her cousin.

         As darkness fell, and stars intruded the sky, they saw each other again. 

      Love and attention were two ecstasies he craved when pain and agony were present, two feelings he couldn't ever get enough of.   
Each kiss tantalizing, each one more passionate than the last. Every night they were together, had grown more memorable than anything, it was euphoric. Once or twice in a week he found himself asleep by her side, while the nightmares remained, there was a silver lining. She remained as well.

        Lips were bruised, faces dusted with a crimson blush, hair completely out of place - an unpresentable appearance. Kissing made them this flustered, and usually ended there. Either way, they were both rather pleased with themselves.

           She placed a final kiss on his bottom lip, a shiver going down his spine. 

          "I forgot what you felt like, Reiner -" She says softly, a gentle grin apparent on her swollen lips. The blond blushed deeper at the sight, she was absolutely dazed.

         

          The following two days were filled with a morning meeting, while it would have only been once every week, Zeke had predicted struggles for Marley in the near future. It was only right to prepare now.

            It was the same thing, just revised. How to defend Marley without using the Warriors, how the War Hammer Titan was essential in every way possible.

           The meeting lasted only a short half an hour. Then it was dismissed.

          "Why didn't you say anything, Braun?" Was the first words of of Galliard's mouth. The strawberry blond held his hands in his pocket, now wasn't the time. Reiner didn't want to be bothered with his passive - aggressiveness. 

          "It wasn't my place," Reiner started, fumbling with the lock on his case, assuring that it was in fact locked. The other man chuckled, almost sarcastically.

           "Uh - huh, and just a few meetings ago you were praising that damn Marleyan, now you're not gonna say anything?"

           "It wasn't my place to talk of the tactics during that time." The blond said plainly, picking up the brief case. Galliard shakes his head, uttering the word, 'useless'. Before walking away from him.

            "So this is how he gets to you?" Reiner looks over to see her walking towards him, her scarf down, as if she hadn't a care in the whole damn world.

             He was confused by her words, more so why she was even here, the brunette looking dead on in the direction Galliard had walked away from, watching the strawberry blond go wherever.

             "What are you talking about?" That was all he managed to say. Of course he knew who she was talking about.

             "Porco." 

              He looked at her once more, her arms crossed, still looking in Galliard's direction.

            "You let him treat you like shit?"

             Zoe was looking at him now, her blue eyes pierced his form, nearly struck into his mind and emotion. 

            "I don't know what you're talking about, Meister."

           The fact he called her 'Meister', shocked her. His statement was a complete lie. He knew Galliard's impression towards himself. He hated he ignored it, even though he very well knew no comrade should treat another like that - but could he blame him? After all, Marcel was his brother.

            "Don't worry about it, okay?" He looks down, daring to face the brunette.

            "I hope you realize, even if he had become the Armoured Titan - he wouldn't have been able to save Marcel either."

            That's right. She knew as well. It hurt knowing that.

            "Wasn't Marcel wanting to protect his brother? Even in that case, the woman would've still devoured him. Something would've happened to make her come out, whether it be an argument or a poor coincidence, nobody could stop her."

             "No - you're wrong. Galliard would've made an effort to save him! You don't know anything."

            She scoffs, and he felt the regret of yelling at her. Her face was full of either hurt or rage, either way, she retaliated.

           "Why do you defend him Reiner?! There's nothing . . . nothing anybody could do to save Marcel. You know that and I know that."

           Her voice faltered mid - sentence, a sob daring to escape.

          "Stop."

          "Why do you defend him?" 

          Reiner refused to answer her, and as he started to walk away - he felt her hand tightly grip his shoulder. He reacted by clutching her forearm tightly, nearly enough to cut off the blood stream, and cause either a welt or a bruise.

          Once again, guilt and regret washed over him. He pushed the arm against her chest, not to hurt her, but to back her away. 

          "Why do you care?"

          His large, square hand was on her chest, feeling her heart beat quickly, her eyes wide with what seemed to be fear and concern. So she clutched his wrist, removing it.

         "Why do you defend him? Quit sucking up to those who don't need it."

         "Then what are you doing?" 

         "I'm trying to survive. You think people are gonna respect an intermingled child? A mistake? No." That little bit of information was enough to kill her family . . . why say it now?

          Why had they even begun arguing, over Galliard? It was stupid. Then he thought of something even more stupid.

          Reiner kissed Zoe without hesitation, and without a warning, and she complied quickly, cupping both sides of his face.

         The kiss was soft, and before they knew it was over, he apologized.

        "I'm sorry, " He mutters, their noses pressed up against each other. Lips barely leaving each other.

        "I shouldn't have brought it up,* 

       He kissed her once more, before he looked at her. The guilt still very much there.

        "I shouldn't treat you like this. I'm hurting you." Reiner says quietly, as she skimmed her thumb over the stubble part of his goatee.

       "It's okay Rei-"

       ”No it's not. I know I hurt you, and I keep doing it. Over and over again,"

        Zoe kisses him this time, slowly as she turned her head slightly, to feel more of him. Tucking her fingers behind his ear, and rubbing her thumbs against his temples.

        "You don't hurt me, if anything, you've kept me going - don't blame yourself because you think you're hurting others. Besides, we really shouldn't kiss in public, someone will see us."

      Reiner nods, before disobeying her and small peck her lips anyhow, showing her gratitude.

      "I love you, you know that, right?"

      He smiles with tired eyes.

      "Of course I do,"


	5. Benevolent

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zoe cooks some nasty lookin' food and misses Reiner. A lot.

          The soft tapping against the counter top of the knife cutting through the skin and flesh of the small potato, then proceeding to cut out the darkened spot on the inside of the flesh. Zoe sighs as she blows a strand of hair out her face, perspiration gathering at her brow and her long brunette hair in a sloppy, worn braid. 

         She hadn't seen Reiner since the incident yesterday morning, and she had been focusing on reading an actual, thought out meal. She had small orange carrots in a bowl, already cut to size for whatever in Hell she was making, as well as a pot of water boiling to temperature. Then, the unknown root vegetable she purchased this morning, which still needed to be cut.

         The air was stuffy with the humidity from the boiling hot water, and it smelt of odd spices, oregano or the chopped onions, either way. She hadn't a clue as to what they were. The bitter smell of potatoes invaded her hands, as well as the knife.

          Feeling a light pang of hunger, she sliced a small piece of potato and popped it in her mouth. As she bit into the starchy vegetable, she grimaced, the fluids bitter and tasteless. 

          Zoe runs over to the trash pail, and spits out the root. 

          "Ew, never doing that again . ." 

           Sighing, she went back to her work, as she worked her way into her cupboards, and found a can of pickled herring. A success, albeit a small one, but nonetheless, a victory for tonight. 

          The brunette opened the can with a knife, careful not to cut her fingers. The contents in the can contained a brownish fluid, the herring barely peeking over the liquid.

           She grimaced in disgust, plugging her nose from the smell, then closing the top of the can and draining the fluid into the sink. Then grabbed a pan and placed it on the stove, picking out the fish, laying it in the heating metal. 

        She placed the root vegetables in the boiling water, as she used a metallic fork to flip the herring, then putting the meat onto the small plate. The vegetables were done within a few minutes, as she placed the contents on the plate. 

        It was lonely that night. Without the warmth of Reiner, it was certainly strange. The left side of the bed felt so cold - like ice against her burning skin. Her hair sprawled out onto the hard pillow as she tried to sleep without her blond lover, she felt . . . incomplete. 

         The lack of heat reminded her of the times at the fort. The soldiers, while Marleyans, were inmates. This was a way to reduce their time in jail, prison, etc.

         So Zoe resorted to sleeping in the smallest cellar of the fort, which contained most of the whiskey and alcohol, and was the coldest part of the fort - especially during winter. 

         In 852, she thought she would freeze to death. She remembered it clearly. Her teeth chattered, her skin cold to the touch, and the blanket provided wasn't enough for her to retain the warmth. 

         The thought of the recollection made her shudder, almost feeling the chill against her clothed back. Even the linen top she wore could not keep out the phantom chill. 

          She sighed into her pillow, attempting to imagine Reiner sleeping next to her. She had grown used to his tossing and turning at night, but he hadn't ever told her why he did so. She knew she couldn't do anything about it. That's what hurt her most. Not being able to help.

          Zoe missed him. Missed his scent, his build, his beautiful golden eyes - everything about him. 

          She scooted herself into his spot, pressing her freckled cheek against his pillow. The sheets smelled like him, as did the pillow. Zoe buried her face into the cushion, a wave of unmistakable emotions flooded her form.

          Zoe needed Reiner.

          It was a stupid thing to admit, but it was more than true. That man got her through so much, even without his physical presence. She believed that's why she's still standing, because of him. 

            "I love you," she muttered into the pillow, tears threatening to escape her blue eyes. Then there was the matter of how much time he had left, which broke her heart even more so. The pain behind her eyes before she started to cry had started to form, blinking to seize the pain and to prevent crying. 

         "Stop crying, you're making yourself look like a baby, are you a child?"

         Zoe envisioned herself looking like a blubbering child who lost their mother in the market place. She pinched the ridge of her nose, the tears now held back - for now.

          She managed a restless sleep, but in the morning, she felt and saw the result of crying in her sleep. Maybe she would catch Reiner walking Gabi to her training, then she would keep him for the day. 

           So she skipped breakfast, and tried remembering what time he took her to the training facility. 

           She had just barely caught him on his way back, nearly giving the poor blond a hear attack.

          They had walked with each other the rest of the way, talking quietly, the atmosphere much more happier with him by her side.

         "Would you be willing to talk in private?" She asked him softly, he looked down at her. 

         "Willing? Zoe, you know I'll talk to you." He replies, his voice just as soft. Zoe nods, keeping her hands at her sides.

 

         "I missed you, Reiner," Zoe started as soon as they returned to her quarters, wrapping her arms around his form, pressing the side of her face against his chest, his heart beat slightly picked up speed. 

         Reiner wrapped an arm around her back, setting down the brief case. 

        "I would've come to see you if I knew that." He replies, as she sets her chin in the middle of his upper chest. 

        He kissed her forehead, a light chuckle leaving her lips. She let go, wrapping her arms around his neck - placing a gentle kiss on his lips. 

        Reiner kisses back softly, the kiss lasting only a few short moments. Everything in those few moment s made everything else seem like it was nothing, every aspect of restriction was now completely abandoned, free to love.

        The feeling was present, a spark like the light of a match being struck. 

        She felt complete now - having him here, in her arms. When they released from the kiss, they just held each other. His arms wrapped around her waist, clutching her like a floating board in the middle of the ocean. 

          No other words were said for another hour, only worked actions - affectionate ones at that. 

         He didn't want to lose her, but he knew it was inevitable. Losing her was the worst of his fears, thinking about the fact he would not be with her in the coming years, hurt him emotionally - he was sure she felt the same. 

         Wordless whispers, yet, they spoke louder than any word imaginable. Each movement was meaningful, in ways seemingly impossible. 

        He kissed her deeply, their breath escaping them both. Their noses pressed against each other, like the last time - before whispering against her lips :

        "I love you. Don't forget it."

        "I won't. Not ever, I promise."

        He kissed her again - this time, remaining. He wouldn't let go. He can't let go.

        He needed her, as well.


	6. Cessation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This does have a suicide attempt. Be warned.

            What time was it? 

 

 

            According to the clock on her wall, it was 2:37 in the morning. Reiner's case of nightly insomnia struck, and it struck hard. Having not been able to sleep at all since eleven at night, he stayed awake, just . . . thinking. Thinking about everything he could set his mind to. 

           He looked at her, her smaller form sleeping without problem, it made him smile. As he tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, she stirred in her sleep, slowly walking up.

          "Oh, I'm sorry -"

           He stammered, he hadn't meant to wake her up. She stifled a small yawn, stretching out her tired muscles, then looks at him.

          "Is it morning? I feel like I barely got any sleep." 

         "No, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to wake you." Reiner admits, feeling a bit guilty for awaking her. 

          She smiles softly, looking up at the bulky blond. Reassuring him by putting her hand against his cheek, telling him she wasn't mad.

          "Couldn't sleep?" She asks gently, her voice slightly scratchy from sleep. He shrugs simply, as she slid a hand behind his blond hair and brought him down to her in a deep kiss, their lips making a soft "smeck" sound as they parted.

         "Are you okay?" 

         "I'm fine," 

          She turns on her side to rest her head on his chest, hearing his heart beat steadily. The silence was overbearing, the temperature the room was chilling, the only source of body heat was their clothed forms.

          "I'm sorry you can't sleep," She admits in a low tone, her fingers skimming down any wrinkles on the chest of his top.

         "I'm used to it." He says just as quietly, his large arm wrapped around her. The silence was agonizing, he wanted to hear her voice again, just so he could know that this was in fact reality, not just a nightmare where she would disappear.

           A low sigh left her form, her cheek pressed against his pectoral. 

         "Can I ask -"

          He looks down at her, her digits still moving in lazy patterns around the muscle, lost in thought.

         "Why can't you sleep at night?" 

         He rested his chin on top of her head, before kissing lightly. What was he supposed to say? He can't sleep at night because the thought of killing thousands of people still haunts him? That he pretended be an entirely different person to who he is now? That he felt like he had a crush with a girl before her?

          What was he supposed to say?

          "I don't know, I think it's just insomnia." He replies, his statement a blatant lie. The guilt of leaving her oblivious rested in his body, but he didn't want her to worry.

           "I'm sorry -" Zoe says quietly into his chest, their breathing soft. Her hands trailed soft patterns against his upper muscles, each small movement tantalizing. 

           He smiles softly, barely enough to be seen - but enough to know that he could feel it himself. 

          "You should go back to sleep," he says gently, his digits absent mindedly stroking her hair, which was surprisingly soft that night. She shakes her head against him, a soft muttering afterwards, inaudible to him - he couldn't understand what she said.

         "I know you're tired," He whispers against her, and she chuckles softly against him. 

       "Maybe." Is all she replied before eventually, falling back asleep. She must have been half awake before, Reiner would have bet she barely knew what she was saying.

       Reiner knew he didn't sleep very long, at least not more that an hour, so he stayed awake until the sun rose - usually Zoe awoke when the sun was right in her face, peering through the window.

       Her quarters was one of the first places in Liberio where the sun directly hit the side of the small building, and when the sun hit her face - he merely pretended to sleep.

       Like before, he didn't want her to worry. Almost like clockwork, she awoke. As she let out a ridiculously loud yawn, and stretched her arms out in the air. As she looked over at him, he had a peacefulness to him as "slept", a soft smile played on his tired expression.

         She chuckles softly, of course - he didn't expect her to believe that he was actually asleep? She kissed his chest, and sat up, freeing her hair from it's tie, and began to redo her braid, not bothering to brush it out.

        "You can stop now, I know you're awake." She says, laughing softly. He turned to his side, still determined to fool the brunette. 

        Zoe rolls her eyes, and leans down to kiss his lips. Reiner was quick to return the favour, kissing her languidly.

        "You can't fool me that easily," she mutters softly into the kiss - before pressing her soft lips against his once more. The kiss lasted for at least several minutes, until pulled away, a gentle chortle leaving her again.

         

 

         It was almost like an instant blur of emotions. First, the recollection of memories from his time as a trainee cadet. When Annie had come with news that she was in the capital, following a man - and was nearly seen, she almost swore he saw her face.

         They even discussed the plans of how to take down Wall Rose, Annie saying that most of his "friends" would be killed. Reiner retaliated, saying the devils were not his friends, but would it have hurt if they gained their trust? Annie felt disgusted by what he said.

         Then the memory of Eren came to mind. Eren felt like he was failing everyone and he hadn't even done anything yet - he couldn't ever be as good as Mikasa or Reiner. 

       Reiner truly felt sorry for the younger brunette male. Eren looked pitiful down on the ground, and looked like a reckless child with all the scrapes and bruises along his cheek.

       So he told him to keep pushing, one day - he'll be able to wipe out all the Titans. He'll accomplish what he came here to do.

      But that was then. This is now.

      Suppression hurt like Hell, a phantom line of walking on limbo and death itself. It was painful. He was in limbo now.

      As he put the barrel of the gun against the roof of his mouth, he could end this. End the pain. End the misery. 

     He would be done.

     Until, he heard a beating at the side of the wall just behind him, a fist hitting the concrete - like structure.

    "I can't do it." Falco uttered out, he sounded breathless.

     Reiner began panting, the illusion of strain very evident. He couldn't do it.

    He took the barrel out of his mouth, a strand of saliva connecting from the ring of it, to the top of his mouth.

     Reiner looked up, at the barred window, and looked out of it. Seeing the twelve year old walking away from the wall, he thought to himself, he couldn't leave these guys behind - he still had a duty to fulfill. He still had to pass on the Armoured Titan.   
        
      He had saw Falco run excitedly towards the opposite direction, Reiner asked him what he was doing, the boy simply answered that he was mailing a letter, please excuse him.

      Reiner wasn't sure what to think.

      That evening was quiet, as Zoe remained in her quarters for the rest of the night. She worried for Reiner, they hadn't met where they said they would almost three hours ago - he wasn't usually late, and in fact usually showed up much before she did her abdomen was tight with concern and anxiousness, she just couldn't get the thought that something happened, out of her head.

      Until, that is, she heard a soft knock at her door. She automatically bolted up, opening the wooden door. To see the bulky blond man. 

      A sigh of relief left her form, motioning him to come in. Zoe closed the door behind him.

      "I was getting worried," she says softly, hugging him. He hugs back, not really with any hesitation, but she knew something was wrong.

      "I'm here now." Reiner says, and she looks up at him, a faint smile rested on his face. She smiles back at him, and kisses lips gingerly. 

      It wasn't until she was half asleep, half awake, she was in his arms, her head resting against his chest. He was impossibly warm.

     That he said something about earlier today.

     "I almost did it." Is all he says, not even another word. Zoe was confused at first, what was a tired woman supposed to think? What did he almost do?

      "Huh? What do you mean?" She replies, suddenly lifting her head to look at him clearly. A look of concern played on her face.

     "I had the mindset - but, I can't go just yet. Not like this." He says softly, he couldn't even face her. Zoe had a shocked expression on her face, she knew. 

      "Reiner . . ." Zoe had known he had some form of depression, but never thought it would have gone this far. He was so close to leaving her.

     She felt small tears form in her eyes, as she hugged him tightly - daring to cry into his chest. The emotion was strong, and she hadn't felt this scared and happy all at once ever before.

      "Don't you dare ever have that mindset again." Zoe sobs out, letting the tears escape, staining the shoulder of his shirt.

      "I can't lose you - I just got you back."

     He hadn't even thought of her when he attempted, maybe he tried to push back the thought that someone still cared. 

      But here she was. Crying her eyes out in front of him, telling him that she couldn't lose him.

       It set something off, as he wrapped his arms around her - emotions swiveling in the room. A mix of hurt and compassion took them both. She cried harder into his shoulder, her digits gripping his top tightly, her knuckle turning white. 

       How else was she supposed to react? She could've lost the only man she had ever loved. 

     "I'm not leaving you. I - I promise . ." He managed to stutter out.

    Her breathing hitches as he says this, her sobs quieter than before. As she pulled away from him, her eyes were red and puffy. He cupped both her cheeks and kissed her softly, he couldn't leave now. There was too much to do.

       "It's okay," 

       "Not if you're not here."

     He kisses her again, and she proceeded to kiss back - the process repeated several times. As she wrapped her arms around his neck, he could feel and hear her sadness returning. 

      He whispered soft mutters to her as they kissed, saying that everything would be okay, she would be okay. 

      He had finally found her asleep, nearly an hour later, holding him tightly. 

      Reiner couldn't leave her - no. He couldn't bring himself to. It hurt him knowing that it was inevitable, but alas, not everything good comes out of the world.

     He kisses her forehead, before attempting a restless sleep. 

     He couldn't leave.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was a bit hard for me to write because personally, I didn't want to offend anyone in writing this.


	7. Benumbed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A trip down memory lane. Also hand injury. And snow.

         852

 

        The winter hadn't been merciful that year, snow layered on top of everything. The barbed fences and gates had small sculptures of ice along the pricks of metal.

        But, people still needed to keep watch.

       Fort Papillon was small, yet one of the most important forts in the War. It delivered weapons, artillery, etc, and had even taken the responsibility of ordering and sorting reports. It was where you dumped all your responsibilities, instead of doing it yourself.

       It was a hard day, the rush of the cold wind was evident in response to the Marleyan prisoners, rather - soldiers at this point. Hard evidence of hypothermia was present in seven soldiers, as coughing and sputtering filled the room. The remaining healthy soldiers attempted to help the sick - by giving them water or soup, but to an extent. They still needed to ration their foods.

       "They might die." Abe mutters, putting a damp rag over one of their foreheads.

       Abe Shwartz.

       Phenomenal soldier, even for an Eldian. His father had been the radio handler, depicting all needs for the forts. He was seventeen then. He was lanky and tall, with a copper blond undercut, and brown eyes.

       "Don't think like that, if we let them die, Marley will think we did it to them - or we didn't even try." Zoe muttered as she brought more lukewarm water to the copper blond. The thought of being blamed for the death of seven Marleyans, was frightening. They couldn't let the men die.

       "Sure, you're just scared of disappointing Matchel. I know you, Meister. I've been around you for nearly two years."

        He chortles, standing up to dry his hands off. He was significantly taller than her, as was most of the men. 

       "You don't really think that, do you?" She asks, setting down the small tub of water. 

      "You're a suck - up, kid."

       Zoe rolls her eyes, and rolls up her sleeves. The slightly frigid air making the hairs on her arms erect, why didn't they keep the men in the warmer part of the fort?

      "You want me to bring you something to eat? You look exhausted." He says, switching his mood from wise - assery to a liberal caring being.

       "Don't worry about me, worry about the men - they need more attention then any of us." 

      At least she was honest.

    "Hm. Alright then, call if you need my assistance," He says in a mock proper way.

     Zoe waves him off, before attending to the sick man, his skin felt frozen to the touch, but he was still very much alive. She sighs and grabs a folded blanket next to him, tempted to stuff more coal into the small furnace in the middle of the room.

     Two layers of blankets had to have helped him out a bit, at the very least.

     For an hour, she went around the seven men to keep in check on them, handing them extra blankets if needed - she wasn't allowed to give them food however. A policy stated by Matchel himself, in fear of poisoning the men somehow.

      Zoe sighs as her shift as caretaker ended, and resulted in another soldier. He minded himself, thankfully. One could hear the harsh winds outside, the howl like a thousand men in pain.

       "Had fun taking care of the Marleyans?" Was the first thing he asked, as she walked into the report room to grab a small packaged biscuit. They weren't the best, but they were at least filling.

      "I can get you back in there, Abe." She says, opening the plastic wrapper and biting into the bread. He had an expression on his face that made her laugh out loud, recovering saying she was merely kidding.

     "Don't do that. I hate taking care of people as it is. Especially grown men." He admits, folding his arms over his chest. Papers and reports had been stacked in the room, two rifles, and three cases of bullets on top of a bookcase, not filled with books, rather more reports and files. 

       "You volunteered." Zoe replies, he shot her a glare.

     "My dad told me to." He says, half heartedly. He looked off at the snow covered window, as she bit into the biscuit again. 

      "You think this winter will slow down the war?" Abe asks, all Zoe replies with was a shrug. 

      "Maybe, but I wouldn't count on it forever. Snow storms like this can stop at any given time."

       Abe hummed in response, a slight change in atmosphere was apparent.

     "I think Matchel said you had watch duty." He says bluntly.

     "Yeah, 18:00, or something. I've got an hour."

 

      The hour passed by quickly, and before she knew it, she was bundling up for the harsh winds. She would not be allowed inside the watch tower. 

      Zoe grabbed her rifle, and headed out into the blizzard - like snowfall. The top parts of the building were blanketed in a thick layer of the white snow, as she saw barely anything through the thick clouds of white.

       So she stood, with a long black coat, a dark scarf over her nose, and rifle in hand. The cold had stung her eyes to the point here they grew blurry from tears.

       She stood there for two hours, assuring no one got into the fort, uninvited of course.

       Zoe fell asleep.

      Her hands stiffly clutching the rifle, as she felt a larger hand push her awake. It was Abe.

      "Go away. I'm sleeping." She said through chattering teeth, her lips an almost unnatural blue.

     "Get up! You'll freeze to death if you stay out here any longer." She bats Abe's hand away, and he pulled her up, her hands still on the rifle.

       "Your shift is over, you don't need to -"

       "I can't move them. They're frozen."

       And sure enough, as soon as she took her hands away inside the fort, it felt like peeling off a scab.

      A cold, burning scab.

      The flesh automatically began to steam from the heat, as she looked at her wounded hands, Abe let out a noise of panic.

       It wouldn't help though.

 

      Zoe looked down at her hands, now healed and invisible from the two years that passed. It was evening now, everyone in Liberio would be settling down with their families, and possibly preparing for bed.

     She lets out a soft sigh, before eventually standing up to get a small mug of tea. As she grabbed the porcelain cup, she felt the phantom burn of the memory. She winces, and brings the cup down to the counter quickly making a loud clatter onto the hard material.

      "Ow." She mutters, holding her left hand. The pain and wound isn't there. Why did it still hurt?

      Zoe hadn't even noticed the blond walk into the small room - he must have heard the commotion.

      "What happened?" He says, as she turned herself around to face him. The look of concern evident on his face.

     "I got a cramp in my hand, it's okay though. I'm fine." She replies, walking over to the kettle and filling it with water. She felt his arms around her waist, pressing his forehead against the back of her neck.

     Zoe blushes, the exciting feeling rising in her stomach. She loved the sensation. She reached her arm around to pull him closer to her cheek, as she kissed his temple softly.

     Her hand brushing against his hair lining, as she suddenly remembered the ghost of the pain.

     She didn't react to it, though. It was pointless to, it wasn't even there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Added a little fluff, because Reiner needs more of that in his life.


	8. Apprehension

     "You're trembling," He mutters against her shoulder as they were half - asleep. Zoe's body hot to the touch, yet - she trembled. 

       "I'm okay." She replies, tucking her cheek deeper into his arm underneath her, but he knew better than that.

       Reiner rested his chin in the crook of her shoulder, sleep never reaching the two of them. The silence was agony.

      "Are you mad?" 

     Zoe shook her head, was he that adamant getting her to tell him what's wrong? Evidently so. She sighs softly, as she placed her hand on the larger arm wrapped around her, trailing his square hand up to her lips, kissing his hand softly.

      "I've just had a headache for awhile is all." She replies, leaving his hand next to her plush lips. 

      They held each other for a moment more, before she turned herself around to rest her head in the crook of his own neck, she kissed his neck softly - a blush dusting his cheeks.

     "What are you doing?" He asks softly, as she trails the kisses up to his lips - to which he obliged by kissing back. The kiss lasted several seconds, before they pulled away.

     "I wanted to kiss you." She replies, her heart beating quickly in her chest. The excitement of the motion made her want more, as she pressed her lips against his once more.

      He had held his hand on her hip, pulling her closer to him. The kiss grew more passionate, and to think - how quickly it was all unfolding. They couldn't go further than this. Though, they couldn't bring themselves to stop.

     Their blush grew deeper, until eventually - he pulled away from the kiss.

     "I'm sorry -" Reiner says breathlessly, as she looked confused. The brunette had no idea what just happened.

     So she stayed silent, really unsure of how to react to this. Before uttering out a soft:

    "It's okay."

     Zoe rolled back onto her side facing away from him, the feeling of guilt ridden her. She sighs, gently saying, "Goodnight, Reiner."

    

     "You should come to the reunion. Aldo and Yeppi miss you."

      Zoe's brother says as they walked towards his house, Ira had always been adamant to get her to join small family get - togethers.

      "Ira, it's nice of you to let me come, but they would barely remember me."

      She says quietly, satchel in hand. Ira chuckles, looking off into the grey sky. He was thirty - five, and had become a lawyer. Their mother had become pregnant when she was 16, thus the Meister line wasn't highly spoken of. Not that they were bad people, but the thought of becoming pregnant at such a young age, and out of wedlock was truly a "terrible" thing.

      "How old are Aldo and Yeppi?" She asked subtly, looking up at her taller brother.

    "Aldo's turning twelve, Yeppi is eight. It's her last week of school."

     Damn. Had she missed that much of their lives? It has only been four years, and even then she hadn't seen Yeppi since she was a little baby.

     "Wow." Was all she managed to say, Ira looked at his little sister, and smiles softly. 

    "They asked about you." 

     Zoe nods, as they approached the steps to Ira's house. He twisted the nob, and opened the dark oak door. He was tackled with a hug from his young daughter, a grunt expelling from him.

     "Give me a second to get in the door, yeah?" He laughs softly at his daughter. Yeppi had wrapped her small arms around her father's waist, and allowed herself to hang from his tall stature.

      "Did you bring anything for me?" She squeals excitedly, Ira ruffles her hair and tells her no, but he had brought someone.

     "Aw . . I was hoping for a toy!" Yeppi pouts evidently, and folds her arms. Ira sets his briefcase on the kitchen table, and Yeppi looks up at Zoe.

     "Are you my auntie?"

     The term sounded odd, but the other part of her deemed it as being natural - she was her aunt.

      All Zoe can really do is nod, it amazed her how much the little girl looked like her mother. Yeppi had brown eyes, and dirt blonde hair, pulled back into a small pony tail. 

     Wilma, Ira's wife, had been a Bev before she married. The Bevs had come from a long line of farmers, successful ones at that - as far Zoe was concerned, they supplied the food during the war, as much as an Eldian could.

      It was hard to believe that a month had already gone by since the war ended, and how everything went back to normal, well as normal as anything can get. Wilma had come down from upstairs, with a basket of laundry, Yeppi went behind her mother, now playing shy. Wilma smiled and said hello to the brunette.

      "Elke and Lena will be here soon," Ira says, as he shrugged off his brown overcoat, and looks at the clock. 

      Last Zoe had saw Elke, she was pregnant with her third child. Lena had already had her first and last child. 

     She had missed out on so much.

     "Zoe? If you'll help me with Yeppi, I can get some housework done." Wilma says, setting the laundry basket on the table next to the chair in the living room.

    "Sure, I'd be happy to help." Zoe replies, smiling a bit. 

     Wilma thanks her and goes to clean the dirty clothes and sheets. The house felt warm and happy, one could tell Ira and Wilma tried their best to maintain happiness in their home for their children for as long as they possibly could, of course before going into the real world.

       Aldo arrived home a little over fifteen minutes later, and immediately went to his room, paying no mind to his aunt - much less to his mother and father. Zoe had been listening to Yeppi tell her about the puppy she might be getting, and many more things.

        "What's with him, Ira?" She asks subtly, partially listening to the little girl. Her older brother shrugs, as he cut up small vegetables.

        "He hasn't been happy lately, probably just puberty." He says, looking over at the entrance to upstairs. 

       An hour later, Elke arrived with her husband, and two younger children. She was certainly in her third trimester.

      Elke hugged Zoe, though the gesture was a bit difficult save for her large belly. Lena came next, this time without her husband - apparently too busy to come with her. Her daughter, Quelle, was only four, a mere infant before Zoe left to the fort.

      Having actual food was another blessing, just to show how long it had been since she had that.

      The night had ended as quickly as it had started, everyone said their goodbyes, and nothing else more was said.

      It was quite sad to be honest.

     When she has arrived back at her house, she could remember the long hours prior - before she left for the reunion, and before he left to take care of unmentioned business, though she knew he would be back sometime tonight.

     

      Zoe had noticed the struggle in his form as Reiner attempted to knot the tie around the collar of his polo, a light laugh leaving her lips. It was a new tie, and he hadn't ever used it, the fabric stiff. She walked over to him and turned him to face her. 

      "What are you doing?" He asks softly, looking down at her.

      "You looked like you needed help," she replies, tucking the black fabric in place, and aligning the two conjoined pieces of cloth. 

       He smiles softly, watching her continue her work. It was strange seeing her in such formal wear. 

      She finished, smoothing it out, before adjusting the collar of his shirt. She looked up at him and smiled.

     "There," 

     "Thank you." 

     Zoe nods, allowing her hands to remain just above his upper chest. She could feel her cheeks burn from the blush, and she could feel his golden eyes on her.

     He kissed her gently, breaking her out of her trance. She smiles a little tucking a strand of hair behind her ear, sighing before saying:

    "It looks like it fits, I'm sure you'll look the part during the meetings."

     He smiles softly. 

"Well, I would hope so,"


	9. Memories

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another trip down memory lane. Filler chapter. First meeting? Sounds like a recipe for a perfect distraction chapter!

       Her grandmother had been a local wash woman in the ghetto, gaining some extra money to support her two youngest grandchildren. She was a happy old woman, as happy as a confined person can be at the least. 

      Irma, was her name - and as far as Zoe was concerned, she married young and had her father. A hard working woman. The War left a permanent mark onto the Meister family line, without proof of loyalty to the Marleyan government, they had been looked upon as untrustworthy Eldians. 

     Something Irma tried her hardest to recover from, the eventual death of her husband followed shortly after her youngest granddaughter went to court, and ruled out that she would be drafted to war.

      She was filled with remorse, remembering all the happiness from her past.

      Irma was seventeen when she got married, a year and a half later she gave birth to a son, Angus. Her life was great, her husband was a lawyer - she was a house wife. When her son and his young wife gave birth to a beautiful boy, she felt nothing could change for the worse. And it hadn't, not for thirty-one years.

     Yvonne, her son's wife, was always a bad apple in Irma's eye. Whether it be the fact she had no other family, no clue as to where she came from - or that she married Angus in a matter of months after meeting. Either way, she never fancied Yvonne. 

     By the time they had Elke, Irma knew her son and Yvonne hadn't felt the same way about each other anymore. They grew loveless. Then they had Lena. Ira was twelve, and Elke had been eight by that time. Yvonne and Angus were on the verge of divorce,  all because of the reason of rushing love.

        During the first trimesters of her final pregnancy, Yvone would be gone for hours at a time three days a week, Irma wanted her son to immediately find out what was wrong with his wife. He went missing a week before his youngest daughter was born.

     Yvonne had left the hospital three days after the birth of her child, disappearing without a trace for five months. Leaving a teen Ira and Elke to help care for their young baby sister, along with their grandmother.

        It wasn't until those stressful five months later that Yvonne returned, as if nothing ever happened. She had been in and out of life from that point on. 

        Zoe could remember, when she turned four - she was afraid of everything. She didn't like it at all. 

      "You can't be afraid forever." Her mother would say, almost in shame of her daughter. Yvonne refused to go anywhere with her children, in fear of rousing unneeded attention.

       "Don't listen to her, it's better to be afraid rather than not. You have your head right." Her grandmother would say, as she would fold and wash laundry for neighbors.

        "But I don't wanna be scared grandma." Zoe looked down at her grandmother's bundle of clothes for a neighbor that lived just a few houses away. Zoe knew from listening in Elke and Lena's conversations with their grandmother, that package of cleaned clothing was for a mother and a son. 

       The Brauns.

       "You want to help me deliver their clothing? She has a little boy about your age." 

       Zoe of course was hesitant, having been homeschooled - and not having any friends outside of her home, the thought of meeting a new person was so . . . to put it simply - almost exotic. 

       Eventually, the young girl agreed. Walking with her grandmother to the neighbor's house, to drop off the freshly cleaned clothes. 

       When they arrived just a few short minutes later, a blonde woman answered the door, a soft smile played on her face.

     "Irma! Good to see you again," Karina, Zoe thought her name to be after her grandmother informed her. "And who is this little one?"

      The young girl shyly hid behind her grandmother, clutching the bundle of clothes she fully insisted on carrying.

      "This is my granddaughter, she's helping me today." Irma says, smiling. The blonde woman allowed them in, as she went to get the payment she owed to the elder. 

      A little boy came down from the upstairs, he had his mother's golden hair. Almost like a dandelion - to the young girl's imagination. He wasn't much taller than her, and he seemed just as shy, rather, nervous.

      He offered a soft wave, while she looked away. The boy's mother returned with the money, chuckling to herself as she claimed she forgot to introduce her son.

      "This is my son," she said, looking at Zoe. "He's about your age, yes?" The little girl merely shrugged, before giving her the bundle of clothes - they smelt of the hand made soap her grandmother made. 

      "You know, I have this lovely tea, would you care for a few portions of it, Irma?" Karina broke the awkwardness of the conversation.

      "Of course, I have a few minutes to spare." Irma replies, following Karina into the small kitchen and leaving the two children in the living room.

       The silence was uncanny, and most certainly unavoidable. Who would talk first? Zoe was too shy to say anything, and the boy had never seen this person before . . What difference had it made? Zoe mustered up all the courage her small body could, before she uttered out a soft sentence.

       "I'm Zoe." 

      It took a few moments to reply for the little boy, before he stuck his hand out to her, offering a handshake.

       "My name is Reiner . ."

      The young girl blushed for whatever reason, taking his hand and hesitantly shaking it. He was different, that was for sure.

       Yet, to her, he was like no other she had ever seen. He was different in a good way. 

       He looked down, and just as he was doing so, Irma and his mother returned, this time with a small wrapped package of teabags. 

      "Ready to go?" Irma asked her granddaughter, to which she gave a light nod.

     As they walked out the door, they had said their goodbyes, and eventually Zoe had called out:

      "Nice to meet you Reiner!"

      Something unknown to the young girl flooded her body, whether it be a crush or a protective stance is up to anybody, but the fact that she even felt this way immediately after meeting him for ten minutes, was odd to her.

      She barely knew this boy . . Yet it seemed like they had known each other for years beforehand.


	10. Strange Purities

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some sensuality in this chapter, debating if the next chapter will be a bit more smutty.

      The door creaked open quietly, heavy - yet soft - footsteps walked in. Reiner found Zoe asleep on the small hard couch she owned, her hair down from her prior braided bun. She snored.

          He smiles faintly, as he looked at her sleeping form. He should move her to her bed, she would be more comfortable there. He went around to the front of the couch, tucking his hands underneath her side, and scooping her up into his arms.

        Zoe subconsciously moved her hands around his neck, continuing to snore lightly. They managed to reach her room, as he sat her on her bed momentarily before she began muttering meaningless and scrambled words.

      "No more long horn . . . too much clam . ." It made Reiner chuckle at her sleepy state, as he laid her on her side of the bed. He hadn't even noticed she had woken up when he looked away momentarily to cover his mouth, preventing any loud fits of laughter.

         Cute, she thought to herself. She gave a tiny smile before placing her hand on his shoulder, the larger blond jumped a bit in suprise.

       "I didn't do anything stupid while I slept, did I?" Zoe asks, afterward clearing her throat from sleep. Reiner shook his head, and she breathed a near sigh of relief. She sat up to look at him, blushing a little as soon as she realized she wasn't on the couch anymore.

          "I moved you. It didn't look too comfortable," Reiner says, noticing her rather conscious movements. She nodded, and ran her hand through her hair. She then motioned him to sit next to her, she felt cold anyways.

        "Did everything go okay?" Zoe asked gently moving her form against his. His body was certainly much more comfortable and warm then that of her own. 

       "As okay as it can be," he replies, not really giving a whole lot of detail. "There's a festival in a few days."

       She lets out a soft chuckle, saying that it sounded fun. Willy Tybur would address a speech tomorrow night, revealing a plan of some sorts. Though, Reiner hadn't wanted to think much of it until the next day, the day before the festival. He just wanted to relax.

        "Will you lay next to me?" Zoe says softly, to which he replied by nodding. She brought him down with her, so that they laid next to each other.

         She tucked her head underneath his chin, pressing the side of her head against his chest. His heart beat steadily. It was so relaxing, though not enough to lure herself to sleep. 

       Suppressive amorousness can be lethal.

      She looked up at the bulky blond, and he looked back. Cupping the side of his face, she caressed his cheek softly. Why was he so damned gorgeous? 

      The kiss was like sparks lighting a deadly fuse, it was exhilarating. He soon found himself pressing her against the bed, as she wrapped her arms around his neck. They both breathed hard through their noses, as they pushed up against each other - Reiner hadn't ever felt like this before. A sensation of heat and coldness filled the pit of his stomach, the feeling was much too pleasing as it was already. They pulled away to gain a deep breath of air.

        They stared at each other for awhile, wondering if this was really such a good idea - of course knowing what would more than likely happen next. It wasn't that he didn't want her, but for the mere fact that he didn't know if either of them were ready for such an intimate act.

         But what can two young adults do when they've been deprived of such a feeling? 

        "Wha - what do we do now?" Zoe stammered a bit, her cheeks were so flushed from excitement. She looked . . . almost adorable. 

       "To be honest, I'm not quite sure," Reiner replies, he hadn't noticed how similar he looked to the woman below him. She was confused just as much as he was, of course there was always prior knowledge regarding the subject - just never attempted.

        "Take things slowly - maybe?" Zoe projects, her mind racing over the possible ways this could end. From good to bad, she just didn't want to lose him over this. 

         Reiner nods in agreement, though he wasn't entire sure how ready they were - like before, there was always some known intelligence beforehand. 

        So they began in ways they could. She trailed her hand to the back of his head, and pressed him against her lips. The feeling of adrenaline took it's course, leaving them both trembling and panting for more. 

        He could feel his large hands hold her hips in place, the urge to do more was suppressed for so long - intimate love was something he never thought he would truly feel. Let alone romance - who would want to be with a man with only two years left?

 

       The rest of the night was a complete blur - yet he remembered every movement they made. After they had stopped, they felt completely drained of energy. They panted as if they ran a marathon. 

      She had managed to find the energy within herself to move next to him, and rest her arm over his chest. He pulled her close as well, the room had grown humid - though that was the least of their worries.

       Reiner kissed the top of her head, before she lifted her head to kiss his lips. She rested her head on his chest, before sleep managed to take them both.

      He knew no matter what mood he had been in before sleep, he always had nightmares. He also knew he tossed and turned in his sleep - it could be enough to disturb anyone. But not her. Albeit, she had woken up in the night several times in the first nights he stayed with her - in concern of course. He just didn't want her to stress herself from her fear. At times he felt he should take his own advice. 

 

      The air had felt sweltering and freezing around him - the feeling of guilt resided in his being. It was an awful thing to be plagued with. Everything felt like it was stuck in slow motion, when he blinked it felt like an eternity. When he opened his eyes, what he saw before him made him drop full of fear.

     He saw thousands upon thousands of dead beings in front of him - full of animals and humans - every age. The fear drained whatever sliver of confidence he had, or whatever emotion it was.

     It was like he was inside the walls on Paradis again. They didn't look like the Eldians from Marley. He could feel an unwelcome presence behind him - but as he turned around - no. It isn't possible - !

 

       Reiner awoke with a startle, his mind snapping back to known reality - with the sun in his face. He covered his eyes with his free hand. Realizing Zoe was still fast asleep. What time had it been? He glanced over at the clock, 7:31.

      He had an hour to stay with her - then it was preparations for the announcement after the festival, it was better to memorize where everything was and where it would have been placed at least a few days beforehand, but he couldn't exact complain about such a short notice. He sighs, before removing her arm carefully as to not wake her.

      He needed pants.

      He sat up with the covers still over his lap, wondering where the hell they went. He scanned the room looking around for them - before noticing they somehow made their way to the very edge of the bed. The bottom of the pant nearly touching the wooden flooring. 

      He grabbed them and sat on the edge of the bed to slip them on, successfully. He stood up and buttoned them - he didn't need a loose fly.

     Not even ten minutes later, she awoke with a groan leaving her form. Before yawning and stretching under the covers, everything below her collarbone was covered.

     "Mm . . . did we oversleep?" She asked drowsily, as she too sat up in the bed. Her hair was a mess. Reiner couldn't help but give a small smile, barely noticeable - but still. A smile.

      "No, we're okay." He replies, as he put on his button up shirt. Fumbling at the collar of it, he managed to fold it properly. 

       Zoe nods, before looking up at him. She should probably get dressed as well, then she took notice of her clothes scattered throughout the room. 

     She wrapped the blanket around herself, almost like a dress, and began to pick up her clothing. She didn't notice until now, but everything below her naval felt sore. Obviously, it was meant to happen. Being as it was in first time she had ever done anything so . . . private.

       She eventually got dressed, and walked with Reiner to the living room. Why was it so cold in her house? God only knows. And He still doesn't tell. 

       "I can make coffee," She offered, "It may not be tea, but it wakes you up it the morning."

      They spent the rest of the morning they had together just talking, like normal people. In that moment, he felt most human - being treated like a human. 

      The night prior may have very well been the first night in a long time, they both felt like living for the moment. It was an incredible feeling they had, feeling alive.

    They knew for a fact, they wouldn't forget last night.


	11. You're Not So Pure Anymore

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sensual and Fluffy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>     This contains descriptive and in your face sexual themes, so please, if you are easily offended, click off the story. 

       "Most embarrassing moment?"

       "Don't even get me started,"

        "I'm going to get you started."

       She laughed gently, her index finger softly tracing around his pectoral and abdomen, each individual crease of muscle softly tensing, as his skin was surprisingly sensitive. 

       "I don't remember,"

       He replies, his hands softly tangled in her brown hair, which was messier then before. It was the night before the festival, and he had been rather busy today - as if that were a surprise.

       "Well, I suppose we want to forget things we don't want to remember." 

       She says quietly.

       Their legs were tangled as she rested on his chest, the hour previously brought much sweat and constant movement, but compared to the night prior, this was most certainly an improvement.

        The room was cold for whatever reason, perhaps it was just the night's chill, the blankets helped shield the coldness, however. 

        "I don't have anymore questions." 

         He says, giving a soft chuckle. 

        "Hmm . . . well, we always have other things to do, right?"

         A blush swept across his cheeks. They would be doing this again? Its only been an hour since they last had their . . . relations. Well, if she truly wanted to keep going - 

         Reiner pushed her just underneath of him, his hands on either side of her head, and pressed his lips into her's - this was enough to excite him - therefore was capable of readying himself for such an act.

         The next thing she felt was a complete fullness, her body hadn't ached anymore for him. Odd thing to say, really. She had never known a person who was capable of giving her this much pleasure in her life. Then again, he was the only other man she had been with. 

       Her heart sped up as he began moving, their constant pants gave them some sort of need to continue - to even go faster. At one point Zoe had even covered her mouth to prevent any loud moans from escaping her lips, he held her legs just underneath her knee - god the pleasure was incredible.

      It ended as quickly as it started - the overstimulation was too much for the two of them to handle. He filled her with a surprising amount of his own seed - barely fifteen minutes. She kept count. (For whatever reason . . .)

      He put her legs down before removing himself from her. That was rather quick compared to the night prior - but the pants were just the same.

     It was like being drunk on pleasure -

 

     

     "I'll see you when you come back," She said gently. The day was beginning all too quickly, and Reiner was needing to go soon.

     "Tell Gabi I said hi, will you?"

     "Yeah, I will." He replies.

      Then he left.

       The house was all to herself, but the loneliness crept in. It slithered in like a snake. She sighed, folding her arms and taking a look at the surroundings. She might as well clean while she's there, maybe pay a visit to Elke before she has the baby, how was she gonna do that all before work? Either way, she intended to make herself busy.

      It wasn't always going to be like this, she kept reminding herself. She had to remember Reiner wasn't always going to be here, and while she was still growing used to the fact, it still made her cry. Though, she had broke down crying in front of him very few times before, he never knew the true reason.

      She could only really talk to one person about the whole ordeal, and even then she couldn't exactly tell her everything.

       And by everything, it's the sexual encounters and intimacy. It embarrassed her . . 

      They had only done it a handful of times and even then the first time seemed rushed, and it hurt in the beginning too. So, after that they had began just doing little things, and eventually it stopped hurting. The first time she mentioned it, he panicked.

      It was just bed talk, and she happened to bring it up. Obviously, he was worried that she didn't want anything to do with him if it hurt that badly, but she reassured him it wasn't anything like that. So, they chose gentle foreplay instead.. but it helped them grow used to each other, figure out how their bodies reacted to certain touches and movements . . . It was like an experiment. Minus the cruelty.

      She never expected Reiner to have cared so much for her, but he did.

      It had been a few days since they last truly spent time together, obviously nights were spent in a more sensual manner, but in a way where they were both home, not really having to do anything, no work, no worries, nothing, except of course the mandatory paperwork that was usually bestowed upon Reiner.

      Those few days ago, Zoe had woken up in a terrible mood, she felt bloated all day and hadn't wanted to be around anyone. She carried a blanket around her all morning, sticking out an arm to make her morning tea and stir in the sugar she wanted. 

      "You feeling okay?"

      She grumbled and shook her head as she took a sip of her hot tea, sticking out her tongue when the hot liquid burned the pink muscle. Her hair was still in a sloppy bun from when she woke up, and her eyes were droopy as hell. He softly stroked the back of her head, and she rested her head back against the large palm of his hand. That was so damn calming, he gave a soft smile.

       She turned to face him after she set her hot cup of tea on the counter, as she motioned her arm to hug her. He did so as he wrapped his arms around her as her blanket dropped, a soft shudder leaving her body from the newfound cold of the house. She wrapped her arms around his upper chest, letting her head fall into the crook of his neck, breathing in his scent. 

         "Do you feel better now?" Reiner asked gently, allowing his hand to find the back of her head again. She gave a soft nod, standing on her tiptoes just to hug him properly. 

        He kissed her forehead, and Zoe blushed a bit. That was something he could still do and make her blush, the tender moment actually helped her a lot, while she still felt bloated most of the day - he stayed around her most of the time. Well, as much as he could. He still had paperwork, but that didn't mean he didn't sit next to her as she repeatedly dozed off.

         She blushed at the memory, those littls moments kept her sane, and she wouldn't change it for the world. It was already eight thirty and she might as well get going on the housework. The attic needed some cleaning, then she would go see Elke, then off to work. 

         The attic was full of dust and cobwebs, and a few spiders, but nothing she couldn't handle. She got her broom and began sweeping - eventually getting a dark grey pile of dust and whatever else. Gross, she thought to herself. There was boxes needing to be taken out and sorted through as well, so she ended up taking two boxes in a far corner, hidden behind a chest (that she also needed to go through), and set the old boxes on her bedroom floor. 

         When she visited Elke all they really talked about was the fact the baby was coming soon, and she about a week and a half away from being born. Work was - well, work. She carried crates and boxes of fruit and vegetables, and so many more things. The work strained her forearms and fingers, but she was well capable of handling it, even if the market stand owner insisted that she could take a break, she refused. She didn't know why, but it just felt like a sort of accomplishment if she didn't take breaks. All she really knew was that when she got home, she allowed herself to fall onto her bed, then realizing she still had the boxes to open.

       She sat up and turned on the lamp in her room, then flipped on the little radio she had, maybe a nightly talk show would be on. 

        She sat back down and lifted up one of the boxes, opening the worn down container. It was full of what seemed to be photo albums . . All covered in dust and seemed as if they were older than herself. Zoe picked up the blue album first, and flipped it open. They were pictures of an unknown woman, she had no badge, and she was dressed nicely. Weird, why would her family have such a photograph? Were there more?

       The young woman had long light hair and dark eyes, hopefully it was explainable, tomorrow she was visiting her grandmother, so perhaps she would be able to identify who the woman was.

       Zoe flipped the page again, and then there was no more pictures of her, instead it was just old photos of her mother and father, their wedding day and the pregnancy with Ira, and even some of Elke. There had to be a mistake in there somewhere, she didn't know the woman with light hair, and had felt as if she should have. Maybe a distant relative? But every other country had Eldians wear the Eldian badge. . .

        She closed the album and set it on her night stand, she was too old for this shit. It was already twelve am, and she wanted to sleep. 

**Author's Note:**

> Purely a self indulgent, self insert story, because yes. Enjoy it I guess, haha.


End file.
